Review 5: The Bay Tree

1 atmosphere                             ***

2 the food & drink                       ***

3 price                                       ***

4 hospitality                               *****

5 reading potential                      ***

6 clientele                                  ***

7 location                                   ****

8 busy-ness                                ***

9 professionalism                        ****

Look at that hospitality rating!  As soon as I sat down a waitress magically appeared and wiped down the table, smiling and chatting.  I have a theory as to why they were so nice to me, but of that later. 

Said café is on Broad Street, just up from the Green Dragon.  It’s a charming little affair – the dark woods in its walls and the green carpets exude something of a Tudor-ish aura, and the prints on the walls feature wholesome English subjects.  But all of this is for a reason! 

The Bay Tree has a target customer group.  It caters for the elders.  Unfortunately, I don’t mean that in a cool, Homeric, sitting on stones outside the city gates way, but rather just the usual way.  I don’t think it had ever seen a patron under the age of 55.  At least, ‘s been that way till now.  A geriatric clientele is not a bad thing in itself, I suppose, but I left feeling strangely aware of my own mortality, and I wouldn’t recommend this place outside of off-peak. 

Unfortunately, this silwarian joint also commits the Cardinal Teadrinker Sin.  Not content with exploiting the nationalistic tendencies of the elderly, it also sends them away smelling of haddock.  And me – I’m not immune to the great fish.  I’m struggling of finding amusing, original ways to express my hatred of fume-filled cafés. 

These things aside, this is a decent enough place.  The waitresses are magnificently friendly and hardworking …

“But look at them now, ready, the pair of them, to kill or be killed before they give way from the gate, like supple-waisted wasps or bees that have built in a hollow by a rocky path and won’t be driven from their home, but stay and fight it out with the huntsmen for their children’s sake!” 

… and the hot chocolate is smashing.  Unless you don’t mind the smell of M & S Woodspice (or smoke – not the pipe kind, the kitchen kind) too much, I think The Bay Tree would be a good bet during the quieter times. 

Overall, a ***½.